


Sense and Sensibility

by orphan_account



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Coda, Dean Winchester Loves Castiel, Dean Winchester Thinks Castiel is Dead, Episode: s07e04 Defending Your Life, M/M, Sad Dean Winchester, Sam Winchester Knows, Sam Winchester is a Saint, osiris and castiel are just mentioned
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-04-17
Updated: 2019-04-17
Packaged: 2020-01-15 11:59:55
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 631
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18498532
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: Dean couldn’t bear to face his brother; even Sam’s tone was oozing sympathy and sorrow. There was no way that his face wasn’t either. “Dean ... who did you think was gonna come up to the stand?”“I- I don’t know, Sam.” Dean’s voice broke. He didn’t remember the last time that happened. “I don’t know.”coda to s07e04, defending your life.





	Sense and Sensibility

**Author's Note:**

> short but uhh yeah uwu

“So,” Sam began, raising the beer bottle to his lips and taking a small sip. “Who- uh- who was he talking about?”

“Who?” Dean raised an eyebrow in question, turning his head to face Sam. His back was still leaned against the Impala, and his empty beer bottle was grasped idly in his hand.

Sam sighed. “That whole final witness thing. Who was Osiris talking about?”

Dean was silent. He couldn’t tell Sam the truth. There was no way that Sam would take it well. “No idea. Honestly, that could be just about anybody we know.”

“Really?” This time Sam was the one to raise his eyebrow. His tone was skeptical, and Dean could tell Sam didn’t believe what he said. “You didn’t think it was gonna be anyone specific? You seemed pretty quick to jump the gun and not let Osiris call them to the stand.”

Grimacing, Dean squeezes the empty bottle in his hand. He took a deep breath in. “Just- just shut the Hell up, please, Sammy.”

Dean couldn’t bear to face his brother; even Sam’s tone was oozing sympathy and sorrow. There was no way that his face wasn’t either. “Dean ... who did you think was gonna come up to the stand?”

“I- I don’t know, Sam.” Dean’s voice broke. He didn’t remember the last time that happened. “I don’t know.

“Yes you do, Dean...” Sam’s tone was soft; almost too soft to be asking Dean to share what he was.

Dean squeezed the glass in his hand even harder than he had the first time, barely flinching when the glass shattered and fell apart in his hand. “ _Sam_! Shut up.”

Sam sighed another time. “Okay. Fine. Whatever. I’m- I’m here if you need to talk to someone, though.”

The brothers stood in silence for a few moments.

“It was Cas.” The words were ripped out of Dean. His throat burned at the admission, eyes stinging like fires were blazing behind them.

“Cas?” Sam didn’t even sound surprised. “Dean... Osiris couldn’t have summoned him. He’s an angel. He... he doesn’t have a soul.”

Dean snorted, dry and absolutely drenched in remorse. “I get that, okay? But I just feel so goddamn _guilty_. It’s- it’s the bastard’s fault that these Leviathans are loose... but it’s also my fault. I mean- when did either of us offer to help him when he was fighting Raphael? We only called him when we needed help. Sam... we never even bothered to help him.”

“It was his choice to work with Crowley and open Purgatory.” Sam answered. He sounded like he barely believed it himself.

“That’s my point! He could have come to me, but he didn’t. Because I escaped the life and he didn’t wanna drag me back in. I know they were his choices... but he felt obligated to chose them because he wanted me to be happy. How stupid is that?” Silent tears escaped from Dean’s eyes, streaming down his face. “How fucking stupid is that?”

“We’ve lost people before, Dean.” Sam’s voice was gentle, as if he was prodding a lion with a metal rod. _Don’t anger the wild animal_ , Dean thought, almost letting a dry chuckle escape his throat. “Hell, you even blame yourself for Jo.”

“I lov-“ The words couldn’t form on his tongue. Three simple words that he couldn’t say, and would always be substituted by distant longing and grievance. Cas was gone. He wouldn’t get to tell him. Ever. This was the one chance Dean would get to let the weight escape his heart. “I- I...”

 _I loved him_. He still couldn’t even say the words.

Dean felt Sam shift beside him, setting his arm on Dean’s bicep. The younger Winchester sighed, rubbing Dean’s arm in a comforting gesture. “I know, Dean. I know...”

**Author's Note:**

> i was pissed at the fact that castiel wasn’t even mention in this episode ?? i feel like dean felt really guilty about it but when bobby died he buried that guilt with anger towards cas cause he let all the leviathan loose? and when he finally did see cas again- as emmanuel- that anger was destroyed and replaced by guilt and sorrow once again. and while cas was emmanuel, no matter HOW mad dean was, he was always subconsciously calling out for cas, so emmanuel just felt this LONGING


End file.
